Raven's Suicide Note
by KittyandKat
Summary: She couldn't take the pain anymore. She just couldn't. So she chose to end it. Now going to be a two-shot! REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1

**For some odd reason, this popped up into my head, so now it's on here. Don't ask me how I thought of this, I was listening to some pretty depressing songs since I just got all of my songs back on my IPhone from my computer, and... yeah. This happened. **

**Well, it might be a tear-jerker for some, not so much for others, it depends on if you actually like Raven or not. I really don't like the fact that she had absolutely no character growth in the books, but this really isn't a Raven bashing fic. I just... I don't know, thought of it while I was in the shower. **

**Enjoy, I guess...**

_You are probably wondering why I did it. Why I took the pills. Well, here you go. It's all on paper. _

_It's not everybody's fault, don't worry. I'd tell you if it was. _

_Dear Mom and Dad, _

_In a way, you are at fault here as well. You never accepted me for who I was, you never thought that I was good enough to be a Madison. _

_It's a shame that it had come to this for you to truly care about me for once. As one might say, death brings us together. I hope that you guys will become better parents to Billy and not ignore him for his choices like you have me. _

_I'm truly grateful that you cared for me all of my life, but as soon as Billy was born, you guy changed. I stayed the same. You went from the most amazing parents in the world to nothing, in around a year. It is in no way Billy's fault, and don't go thinking that, either. Once Billy was born and you guys started growing up, I was pleased at first. Pleased that you had finally grown up and became the parents that I saw on TV. But you guys failed me miserably. _

_No matter what, you should accept people for who they are. No matter what..._

_Dear Billy, _

_I'm sorry I'm leaving you as an only sibling. Don't think it was your fault; it truly wasn't. You just really need to hear this._

_I love you from the bottom of my heart and am saddened to leave you behind. I know we bicker and get on each other's nerves a lot, but that's just something that all siblings do. I do love you as much as a sister can, and I am sorry for not being there for you in the flesh as you grow up, go to college, get married, and have kids of your own if you make it that far. Who knows what God has in store for you?_

_I'll be there for you, though. Don't ever think differently. _

_Dear Becky, _

_Becky, Becky. We've been best friends since the third grade, but since you started dating Matt, you've drifted away. I missed you and needed you, but you always put him first. I thought it was sisters before misters? I guess not. It's not Matt's fault, either. He's just Matt, a nice, sweet guy. It was you who always had to hang around him. You were a bit too clingy for a lot of people's tastes, and I've heard comments about it everywhere. But, you are still my best friend, and I love you. _

_Please forgive me and don't forget me, either._

_Dear Trevor, _

_You have had a crush on me since we first met, I assume. I know that this will depress you, but you'll get over it. The only reason you hung on so long is because you're as stubborn as I am, when I refused to admit I liked you a little bit as well. _

_Ok, it's true. "Monster Girl" had a crush on the soccer team's star player and school's most popular guy. Get all the laughs out before I continue._

_In all actuality, I do indeed care about you, as well as have a microscopic crush on you. _

_I've also assumed the bullying is from that, too. I'm sorry, Mitchell, but this isn't kindergarten anymore. You don't bully a girl if you like her. You grow a pair and go ask her out! In a way, that's another reason why I did this. _

_Don't worry: this isn't completely your fault. It's a little bit of everyone's. _

_I hope you forgive me for this and that you remember that I forgive you as well. _

_Dear Jagger and Luna, _

_I doubt that you will read this since you live so far away, but if you do get the chance, please remember my words. _

_Jagger, I should've listened to you and given you a chance. My heart ended up in pieces, and I should've never even given Alexander the chance to do that if I had just given you a chance. But now it's too late. I can't continue living with so much pain inside of me. I did like you, and I truly did want to give you a small chance, but dumb old me had to stick with Alexander. I've been pretty stupid as of late, so I hope you know that I would give you the chance if I could._

_I just can't now. You might as well blame Alexander for that one. But please, don't kill him. That would be way too easy on him. Let him live the rest of his eternity knowing that he has the death of an innocent little girl on his hands. That's all I am really: a little girl. A little girl that got caught up with the wrong person and didn't make the right choice and gotten out when I should've. When you tried to warn me. I should've listened, Jagger. I should've listened to everything you said. Then maybe you wouldn't be reading this (if you even are), and I might have been in your arms at this very moment. _

_Luna, I really wanted to be friends, and I am glad you never married Alexander. Your heart would've ended up just like mine, but it's better me then you. You have so much life in you, so much hope, that you need to continue living. _

_I wish that we could've been better friends, since you are one stellar girl. I'm sad that we had to be bitter enemies over a stupid guy! We could've been so close! And, maybe if I had taken up Jagger's offer, we could've been sister-in-laws. I hope you care enough to realize how very sorry I am for being such a jealous bitch. _

_Dear All of The "Popular" Kids at School,_

_I know you won't read this or even know about this, but you need to hear this._

_You are one of the main reasons I did this. _

_YOU are the reason that Raven Madison, seventeen, took her own life on October 31, 2011 at 12:39 a.m, if I'm correct. _

_I hope with this, society gets better at accepting people who are different. Then maybe so many children, such as myself, wouldn't be killing themselves._

_You make me sick. I hope you rot in Hell. _

_I also hope that you change your ways. I'm not all that mean. I hope that you realize how wrong you were about everything._

_If you think that my suicide is funny, I hope that you fall all the way to Hell and burn for an eternity while Satan butt-fucks you the whole time. _

_It's time for the main reason I did this. The main reason that my heart is broken and that I'm in a casket, six feet under. _

_Alexander Sterling._

_Dear Alexander, _

_I hope you are happy. I hope you are happy with Auburn. I hope that you two have a long, happy life together, and with the best of happiness. It wasn't her fault, really. Tell her I said that. She didn't know about me. _

_It is YOUR fault, Alexander Sterling. YOU are the one who cheated on me and lied about it. You could've grown some balls and told me FACE TO FACE, not through some text message. That makes me sick to my stomach. If you would've admitted to my face that you cheated on me, I might've been able to pick up the pieces. The fact that you were too cowardly to tell me that I, Alexander Sterling, have started another relationship with Auburn Summers, and am dumping you, Raven Madison, for her. I might've been able to move on. If you wouldn't have ignored me completely. _

_In a way, it was a sense of relief when you told me. I knew deep down in my heart that you were never going to change me because you kept on breaking your promises, all the time. Everything. You disgust me. _

_I also hope that in time, you have learned to look at me with actual respect instead of just the back-up girl. I have an always will love you, Alexander. As much as my head doesn't want to, my heart does. I love you, but I can never have you. _

_Another thing._

_FUCK YOU!_

_To everyone in particular, _

_Please forgive me for this. I just can't live with the pain. I just can't. I hope the Lord forgives me for one of my greatest sins of all time. Taking my own life. _

_Please forgive me._

**Please tell me what you think, and I'm thinking about doing a second chapter, with people's reactions to the letter. Does anyone want that? Please tell me, I want to know. **

**Well, goodnight.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I decided to make this a full-on story! I've got a little shocker planned for you... the first chapter was just her note, after all. That doesn't mean anything. I could have something up my sleeve... this was an idea that I got well after I wrote the first chapter, and since the first chapter wasn't necessarily very specific about certain things, I decided to go for it! I'm not sure about what you'll think of it, but that's why I'm posting it! Yay for me and my self-confidence! I also hope that you all had a nice holiday, and that the weather didn't provide too many complications for you! **

**I hope that you enjoy this, and thanks to everyone who reviewed! Those make me smile! Even if some of you called this creepy... but I don't really blame you. Heck, I thought it was creepy too. But, it was in my brain, so I wrote it down. So, yeah.**

**ENJOY!**

_Raven's POV _

It was white. Brightly white when I woke up. The minute I opened my eyes, I knew I wasn't dead. Heaven (or Hell) didn't look like a hospital room.

I must've failed, then. Failed at committing suicide. Am I that horrible that I can't even end my own life without screwing up somehow?

What would happen now? Where were my parents? Where were everyone? From where I was laying down, I couldn't see a thing past my line of sight. There could be a serial killer behind me for all I know.

"You're awake!" I heard a voice trill happily, a voice I didn't recognize. My guess was that it was a nurse. It came from out of my line of sight, so there must've been someone in the room after all. I'm not dead, but in a hospital.

"You really gave everyone quite a scare, Ms. Madison." the nurse continued. The nurse must've been a female, and rather old, too. You can tell by the voice.

I didn't answer, instead staring ahead. Why'd they bother to save me? I wanted to die, so why didn't they let me die?

"Your parents are waiting outside. Do you want them to come in?" she asked. Again, I didn't answer. I didn't want to see them.

"How about your brother?" she tried. My ears almost perked up slightly, and I nodded. I wanted to see Billy.

"Ok, I'll be right back." she chirped, and I saw her walk out of the room. She was wearing one of those blue shirt-and-pant combos that all nurses wear, with short curly hair that was brown but graying. I didn't get a glimpse at her face, though.

I studied the room around me. There was an IV next to me, connected to my arm. It was too bright for my tastes. Sterile, too. From what I was aware of, it looked like a normal hospital room. I was dressed in an ugly white hospital gown that I despised the moment that I spotted it on my body.

My eyes flickered up to see my little brother, with the same black hair and brown eyes that I have, walk into the room.

"Hey, Raven." he said carefully, and that's when I really took in his appearance. Tired, baggy eyes, with red rims, studied me cautiously.

"Hey, Billy." I replied, not mustering up the energy to give him even a small smile.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, coming up closer. I noticed that the nurse hadn't come back in, probably guessing that we needed privacy.

I took a moment to ponder that question. I did feel depressed, angry, bitter, sad, but also a little relieved. Was I actually relieved that I was rescued? Well, I'm assuming that the meds they are more then likely giving me are causing this numb and nauseous feeling, so let's just go with that.

"Numb. And a bit queasy." I replied gruffly. "How are you?" As soon as those words left my mouth, I realized I probably shouldn't have asked him that.

"I'm sad, Raven. Angry and confused too, but mainly sad. Why didn't you say that it was getting so bad?" he asked as he sat on the edge of the bed. His fingers reached out to play with the edges of the sheets, but the way his eyes were staring at me realized that there was no way out of answering him.

I shrugged my shoulders.

"I'm not sure. I just... bottled everything up. I figured nobody would understand." I explained quietly. "That nobody would care." Which was true. Nobody probably would understand or care about my pain.

"Raven, I know you too much to not guess that there was something going on. I just thought that you were having problems with Alexander. Not this," he gestured to me. "Not something this big."

I still didn't have the energy to smile, but I managed to give a dry, humorless chuckle.

"That was the goal." I said. "I didn't want anyone else to know about it."

"Why?" he asked, and I noticed a wave of fresh tears in his eyes. "Why didn't you ask for help? Why didn't you open up to us?"

The tears started to leak out of his eyes, causing tears of my own to start to form. My poor, poor baby brother.

"Because..." I started slowly. "Because I was afraid of getting hurt worse."

**I bet you didn't see the whole she-got-saved thing! I was thinking about it... and I thought it was pretty amazing! Review and tell me if you like this idea! I could always make it so that she actually died! I pondered both ideas and decided that this one might be more successful since it would be a full-on story. **

**Well I hope you enjoyed and REVIEW!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed! I hope that you enjoy this chapter!**

****"You would have been able to be helped; why were you afraid of getting hurt?" Billy asked in confusion.

"They wouldn't have believed me or they would've laughed at me even more." I grumbled. "You wouldn't understand."

"Raven it's because you won't let anyone understand!" Billy said, his voice rising in tone. "You won't let anyone in, you won't tell anyone what's wrong, you just won't open up! We can't help you until you do that!"

"I don't know if I can." I said in a quiet voice. "It's really hard, Billy."

"I know that, Raven. Everyone does. We all just want to help you out here, Raven." Billy said.

"Are you sure about that? Does everyone really want to help a nutcase like me?" I muttered under my breath, not meaning for him to hear me.

"Raven!" he exclaimed. "Do not talk like that! People want to help, why won't you understand that?"

"Because of everything!" I exclaimed. "Didn't you read the damn letter? It's because of everyone that this happened! It's because of everyone at school, our parents, Trevor, Alexander," I rambled. "It's all because of them!"

"Raven..." my brother said, trying to soothe me. But I kept on going.

"They constantly tormented me, they made me feel bad, they hurt me, Billy! I have been hurt beyond repair!"

"Raven, you aren't hurt beyond repair, we can still help you." Billy tried to say, but I was not listening. My ears had stopped working.

"Get me out of here! Get me out of this hospital!" I started screaming.

Billy, who obviously didn't expect my reaction, started freaking out. He started screaming for the nurse, for anybody.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU LET ME DIE?! WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME THE F*** ALONE?! WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST LET ME LEAVE!" I shrieked, and started to get up. People started rushing in. My heart monitor was starting to increase, but I didn't care. They started holding me down.

People were screaming, screaming for a sedative, for my parents, for anyone. My brother was ushered out of the room.

I kicked my legs out of the people's arms, but they just held them down again.

When someone stuck another needle in my arm, everything started to get fuzzy. I started moving slower, everyone else did, and I stopped screaming as much.

"Why didn't you let me die..." I whispered, a tear sliding out of my cheek before fading to black.

_Jagger's POV_

__I heard her screams from the waiting room where I was sitting. Everyone could. Her parents tensed up, her mother stopping her crying and listening in shock. They couldn't quite make out what she was saying, but I could.

She was screaming about not letting her die. She wanted to leave.

Luna, who was sitting next to me, curled up tighter next to me, her lips pressed into a tight line. When we were informed about this, she immediately felt bad about everything that she had ever said about Raven. Felt bad about everything, and so did I. I regret everything I did, but I regret not tearing out Alexander's throat when I had the chance. That son of a bitch deserves to die for what he did to Raven. He deserves to burn in Hell for what he has done to Luna, to my family, to _everyone_.

They let me read the little bit that was for Luna and I. And I was just in disbelief that she really felt that way. I didn't think that she even had any feelings for me at all.

But when I saw what she wrote about Alexander, I was absolutely livid. I threw a lamp at a wall, breaking it in the process, and scared the living hell out of Luna. When she read it, she became rather quite, though, and instead of freaking out like I did, she didn't say anything. I could see the regret in her eyes, though. Even she admitted that she wanted to be friends with Raven, but Alexander didn't allow that.

I will admit now that I cried. Once I was alone, before I went to the hospital, I cried and cried and cried. Luna did, too.

Luna shaking my shoulder broke me from my thoughts.

"Jagger, we have to go." she whispered in my ear. "It's almost sunrise." Raven's screaming had subsided, which was probably from sedating her. Poor, poor Raven.

We really did have to go. As much as I hated to leave, I had to.

I followed Luna out of the room, not even speaking to her parents. I haven't said a word to them, actually. They gave me a weird look, but they didn't say anything.

Luna and I were silent throughout everything. Silent to the car, silent on the way home, silent at home.

I didn't say a word till I was in my coffin.

"I love you, Raven." I whispered, before closing my eyes and tried to go to sleep.

**I hope that you liked this chapter! I will admit that this was kind of hard to write, but I hope that you liked it. Do not be a silent reader and REVIEW!**


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